College, again. Tomorrow.

So College starts again tomorrow meaning at 6:30 wake up call for me and hour long bus journey and a tireless day of being shouted at because I haven't done any work except English, the one piece of work that doesn't actually have to be in for tomorrow but next Friday. I hate thinking about college, I just hate it. People ask me all the time what I'm doing at college and if I enjoy my subjects, the sad thing is though, I don't. Not even a tiny bit. It's not just the work, it's just not getting me anywhere at all. But the work is hard..... and there's a lot of it too, all of the time. On top of that I have a classics exam in less than a week and I haven't even thought about the subject topic since last June. FUCK. I'm going to fail again, I just know it, and disappoint people in the process AGAIN which is by far the worst thing. I just can't work hard on things I don't love or need, I find it impossible to ever see a point in ANYTHING, work especially. I didn't miss it at all either, not one bit. I know I should miss the people, but I didn't, well... not a lot. I managed to see Lucy and Devan anyway so that was great. But yeah, I just always believe that if people really wanted to see me and miss me then they'd contact me and see me and vies versa. Which if anything is better because then you get to see the people who actually want to see you. I know I should just try harder and get through the next 6 months so then I can leave forever with at least some A-levels, even if them A-levels do turn out to be E's and U's. It's just hard not to be sad about it. I just want to drop out and get a job really. I need to look into more but I finally think I know what I want to do and if not I know I want to travel, I'm determined to do it. All I know is that I can't do what I want at college and doing all this work for nothing is very very frustrating at times.