Last night, after staying up until 4AM watching Detroit Rock City (1999) , Sleepover (2004) and Remember the Daze (2008) (also known as Beautiful Ordinary) it got me thinking. I watch so many movies all of the time, like, there's nothing I like to do more than watch a movie I've never seen before and discover everything about it. I mostly watch older film because they're easier to find on the internet and for some reason older films seem better. I find so much comfort in the thoughts and feeling of other characters - even when they're fictional, because even when it is all just a fantasy someone out there who is very much real had to have those thoughts and feelings to write the script. "Ah, the world sucks" "yep" it's nice to know that I'm not alone. Although I've always known it. It's inevitable, we're all the same. We're just moving creatures who are actually really sad and lonely, most of the time. The world sucks and actually there's nothing we can do about it at all, we've all been put on this earth without even a clue about what we have to do or why we should do it; and it gets us thinking, or at least me. How are we even here, I mean we always search for explanations and answers, everyone does even me. But I like not knowing, not really knowing. Like our life and universe is so complex and magical that in fact we're all just tiny miracles. For all we know the earth could of been created by fairies. Like a fairy just one day expanded away from all of her friends and everything inside of her just erupted and created the earth, and her friends missed her so much they came to live on the planet that was in actual fact their friend. But as the fairies populated the magic started to slowly disappear, and as the generations went on and on the idea of magic was just a myth the people who were left were in actual fact just that - people, humans. So even though we came from this magical place none of us can actually remember or fathom to believe. (OK so I doubt like anything as crazy as that happened, but what is so hard to believe about that anyway? Everyone believes in God, this man from the sky/heaven who can make virgins pregnant and create miracles, how come people can be so open to the idea or that but believe in nothing else?)
And we get so scared and nervous when we don't know what to do or where we want to go, like it actually even matters, in the end nothing matters. It's like when we get scared to leave 'home' a place of comfort and friendship. "There's no such thing as home, it's all just an idea, I promise" "This home that you think is home, is actually just the first one. Like, we have this family and then we go off and we do stuff and eventually we start ourselves a new family. And then our family will go off and start more families, and really it's all just this chain reaction of like creation! And then we try to classify it in stages so that we can find comfort in where we're at... at that one particular moment in time, and really there's no such thing as time. And we are all just walking talking patterns."
Okay, so this is probably been a waste of time and anyone who reads it is either going to think I'm crazy or high, or both. Sadly I'm neither, or at least to my knowledge. I just needed to write it all down you know? I go crazy when it's all stuck in my head.
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